dear diary,

have you ever feel this vast of emptiness inside of your heart.
the feeling of whereby you want to shout but you just cant.
you just want to cry but you just can't.
so you just keep it bundle inside.
curl up in a bundle in the corner of your heart.
 or have you feel those tears running down those cheek.catching yourself staring long outside the window.with emptiness inside your heart.
and you can feel this feeling inside of your throat.the feeling of when you want to cry but you have to hold back the tears for the smile that everyone wants to see.
if only you knew.
if only you knew.
if only you knew.
if you only just knew.
Oh Allah,help this girl who has just became a slave to love.
O'Allah,help me to heal this broken heart.
O'Allah help me to keep this heart strong.
O'Allah help me to love you, only you,the creator of all souls.
Because I know,when everything came crashing you will provide me with all the warmth and reminds me that everything will be ok despite me disobeying and forgetting you in the past.
O'Allah thank you for always being there.
And I know Allah you will never break this little heart of mine.
Thank you for reminding me.,
Thank you for reminding me to step back into reality.

with lots of love

Just a random thought

Just a random thought

                                        ♥

Have you ever feel that your thoughts on a certain issues is useless.Constant debates that end up with you losing, though it is correct (and i am not just saying this to conclude that i am correct).Debates that end up with me having to raise up my voice or debates that ends up with me having to just let the person know that he/she wins the debate just for the sake to make him/her happy or satisfied.

I feel so useless sometimes.I feel that all my thoughts are gone unappreciated.It sometimes sort of lower down my self esteem and me feel that all this while,well i am just useless.And i know i am not because i believe that Allah s.w.t create everyone to be useful.

I am not writing this just to say that "ohhh...i am a better muslim and you better follow this or else you will be burn in hell fire...etc..."

I will not say anything unless i have a fact to support me.Unless i have something to support my statement.

Why can't some people just understand this.I feel like they are denying what i have just said just to make them feel better.And i am saying this not to offend anyone but just because i have been keeping it deep inside and it have been eating me up.

Just so you know,you know who you are,community changes.And they lack of understanding of some things.Just simple things that we as a muslim need to know.I,myself, am not a perfect muslim.But i seriously HATE it..did i need to emphasize more?HATE it when people use the term,oh my uncle is an ustaz and he is doing this and this...and what he do MUST be correct just because he/she is an ustaz and ustazah.Or use any other term just to prove his statement is correct.

I am tired.I am tired of all this.Must we follow everything that people do.Like "oh,you jump,i jump".I have my own way of life and i am sure you have your own way of life.I just don't know how to explain this to you.

Sometimes i feel like you make me feel like a 'kuno' person.Because wanting to follow something that is wajib.And you disagree.And saying things that maybe without you realisng hurt me.Hurt me very deep,deep inside.Only Allah knows how i feel.I feel like i am in an never ending war without you.Can't you just for once agree to what i have said.

Sebab rezeki,bukan kita yang tentukan even though we both work to support ourselves in this expensive country.I just don't know what to say.I want to give up.

But something inside me just keep pushing me on and i don't know why.

Oh may Allah help us both.

Amiin.Ya rabbal-alamin.

Goodbyes and farewell.

♥

Assalamualaikum

Oh yeah.Well Hi!

Life have been busy,hectic.Hardly have any time for myself nowadays except on Saturday and Sundays.

And those Saturdays and Sundays just choose to past by so quickly.

This is what they call working life don't they.Everyday the same routine.

How i miss lying down flat on my bed,staring up on the ceiling and worry about practically nothing.

Those days are gone.Long gone.

I just wish to have a long getaway,far away from here....2 weeks..3 weeks...pretty please.

So for work,it had been almost 5 months alhamdulillah.Hectic,fun,undesribable and some more unexplain words to explain this work of mine.

And as of today,i lost my partner.My 10-7pm partner.The one who take the same bus as me...To and fro work...Can you just not go...

Have a great career ahead at the new place my dear friend.May Allah bless you and your new workplace.

Oh how painful goodbye is.

I just hate goodbyes.And i am sure you do too...:'((

Just too emotional to write anything here.Oklah.

Bye.

Assalamualaikum readers.